The Danger of Dreaming
by Inks Inc
Summary: During the day, you can keep it at bay, control it. When night falls, its not so simple. He thought sleeping on the couch would help. It didn't. (One-Shot)
He watched as she teetered over to the curb to continue her chalk masterpiece. The look of concentration that adorned her face was priceless. Ice cream trucks came and went, and still she did not stir from her pursuit. The pudgy hand flew across the sun soaked pavement, a three year olds creation blossoming before his eyes.

A gentle summer's breeze tickled the back of his neck as he tossed a steak on the barbeque. Keeping one eye on the sizzling meet, and another on his art obsessed daughter, he didn't see the owner of the arms wrapping around his neck approach.

"Did you see your portrait?" the breathy voice enquired, tickling his ear with its delivery.

Chuckling, he looked up to see the enormous stick figure clutching what _appeared_ to be a coffee cup look up at him from the sidewalk.

"I think she's really captured my good side" he laughed, "you're not looking so flattering yourself Mrs Gibbs" he added with a raised brow.

Peering over her husband's shoulder, the amber haired woman raised her brows at the chalk based version of herself.

"I've seen better days" she laughed, proud of their daughters persistence.

The smell was soon overwhelming, and as the mini plate of sausages became just right, he switched off the flame and called to her.

"Dinners ready, you better hurry before mommy eats all of your sausages again…"

Shannon pretended not to hear the humoured dig, as she grabbed napkins and set the bench in their leafy garden for their spread.

Handing the plates off to his wife, a contented Jethro suddenly had his arms full of three year old as the chalky little girl launched herself into her father's arms.

Squealing as he tossed her gently in the air, her shrieks of excitement melted into the dewy grass as he carried her to the table.

Ignoring Shannon's scolding that she would be sick if he kept swirling her around, he tickled her under his arm as he set her down, her shrieking laugher a salve for his war wounds that no doctor could ever prescribe.

As they ate, their daughter kept them amused with a tale from her recent play date with Tyler across the road.

"He's my best friend daddy" she gabbled excitedly as stabbed a sausage with her toddler fork, looking up at him with those wide eyes.

He raised a brow.

"Your _best_ friend huh?"

She nodded, the curls that fanned her face dancing with the effort.

"Uh huh."

He laughed and exchanged a look with his amused looking wife, before ruffling her hair to the sounds of her squeaking protests.

"Well then…would you like if he came over and played with your new car tomorrow?"

Little hands clasped together in a sudden bout of joy as she bounced in her chair.

"Pr…promise?"

He chuckled proudly as she mastered her "r" that she'd been working so hard on, and nodded his head immediately.

"Promise."

She grinned her toothy smile at him, before clambering over to Shannon to pick at her salad. Scooping her up in her lap, the mother pressed her face into the child's head, savouring the time they were having together.

He would deploy again in three weeks, and the mere thought of it made her heart heave with pain and tears spring to her eyes.

She pushed those thoughts away.

Today…was a happy day.

…any day the three of them were together was a happy day.

Watching his wife and daughter converse in the way that only they understood, as his little girl explained something very serious, Gibbs' emotions were in turmoil.

His time with them was limited.

Every time he came home, Kelly was a little taller…a little more grown up and… it killed him.

He hadn't been there when she'd taken her first toddling steps, or when she'd come home full of giggles from her first day at playschool.

Her animated little voice wafted across the table as she set about telling Shannon all about her imaginary friend, Holly.

His wife's reactions were effortless, her arms holding their little treasure to her tightly. She laughed in all the right places, her humour so like her daughters.

He watched on.

It would be months before they would sit at the same table again. How much taller would Kelly be then? How much more would she have learned, that he didn't teach her. How much more would she have grown, that he hadn't witnessed.

…and then there was Shannon.

Every deployment took another piece of her, and though they never verbalised it, they both knew it.

He knew it when he saw her eyes cloud over when he kissed her goodbye on their porch. He knew it when he clambered into his car and she forced a smile in his direction, waving him a goodbye. He knew it when the door slowly swung shut, and she broke down on the other side of it.

The turmoil continued.

He was a soldier. It was who he was. A Marine, and a damn good one.

…but he was a husband and a father too.

Those three things didn't co-exist well together. They clashed and jarred with a predictable tension. He could never fully commit to one, without the neglect of the other.

He watched as Kelly swallowed down the last of her food and asked to go back to her drawing. He watched as his wife nodded her permission and kissed her little head. He felt the little squeeze of his leg as she hugged it before teetering back to her masterpiece.

Keeping one eye trained on her as she plucked up her chalk, he swallowed hard.

Somehow…he suddenly knew there was a decision to be made.

The dual role he had been playing was of no use to his family. He loved his country, he had often come close to dying for it…but, could he say he loved it as much as, or more than his wife and child?

He ran a gaze over his beautiful Shannon as she chatted to him with an ease born of all their years together. His blue eyes took in the frame of his funny, fun living little girl.

…no, no he couldn't.

He swallowed again and suddenly interjected his wife's recounting of her vision for their kitchen renovations.

"Shannon…"

Those eyes locked with his as she sensed a seriousness behind her name when it fell from his lips. Tilting her head to the side caused the sun to catch her vibrant hair, highlighting her beauty in its rays.

God, she was so beautiful.

"This tour…" he began, reaching out and taking her hand in his, feeling the smooth skin beneath his calluses, "its'…it's going to be my last."

The gentle breeze whispering over their table was the only answer as she stared at him wordlessly, her lips parted in gentle confusion.

"What?" she eventually whispered, not daring to allow herself to believe the words her brain was registering.

He squeezed her hand. With his free one, he waved it in the direction of Kelly before rubbing it gently over his face.

"I will always be a Marine…always, but…that life can't be the one for me anymore. The stakes are too high now…there's an opening in NIS, my names been mentioned. I'm going to see where it goes."

Her hand twitched beneath his, an involuntary reaction to the enormity of the truth he was baring down on her.

"Being a Marine is who you are" she whispered, her eyes widening as she glimpsed a future where her husband was by her side more often than he was not.

He shook his head, to the background of their daughters gentle giggling.

"That was before all this…" his eyes roved to Kelly and her near completed family portrait, "that was before her…"

He swallowed, expecting a wave of reservations to come surging forth, challenging his decision.

No such challenge came.

He smiled. The crooked smile that had captured her heart on that bench all those years ago.

"I'm coming home, Shannon."

The soft smile that radiated across the bench stayed with him as he stirred.

The first indications were there. As they always were. Lifting his head away from the salty, wet pool that it rested upon, he swivelled onto his back.

The living room ceiling swam in and out of focus as he swiped a hand across subliminally wet eyes.

Their faces faded as reality set in, and his stomach churned in mockery of his foolishness.

Sitting up and burying his head in his hands, he let out a soft groan.

"…oh girls…if only I had."

…..

A/N: Just a one-shot dealing with the still painful deaths of his wife and child from Gibbs' perspective.

….


End file.
